The degree of my brokeness varies from day-to-day. Some days I feel strong like I can move forward with lightning speed. Other days, like today, I just want to bury my head in the earth and cry.
I have spent a lot of time in prayer recently. Keeping a prayer on my lips throughout the day has been my saving grace. And until yesterday, I felt that God had not heard my cries. He gave me no answers to the prayers I have been praying. He simply whispered, “be quiet and be still”.
Do you know how difficult that is? If I’m to move out, shouldn’t I be looking for a place. If my job is to change, shouldn’t I be looking for another job? I’ve often thought, why trouble God with something you can fix? He has so much to do already — like saving lost souls, healing the sick — my silly emotions and simple life choices are just a thorn in his side. Shouldn’t I be able to “FIX” this. It truly is a struggle for me to be still and quiet.
I’m scared. We’re all scared. At this age, you have surely suffered disappointment and moving forward is scary. My biggest fear is that I lose my friend. That my future will not include him. But I must put my faith in God and let His will be done.