Trying to turn my negative, bitter thoughts around. Do you understand how difficult that is? When you are looking impossibility in the face? That is how you build Faith. I know this. Haven’t I mentioned I was raised in the Bible-Belt? Doesn’t make it any easier.
Once Faith is lost, it is a struggle to rebuild. That is why it must be practiced daily. Very much like riding a bicycle. Please know I did not say “as easy as riding a bicycle”. When is the last time you road a bicycle? Me? Hmmmm at least 7 years. Maybe longer. The very thought of having to climb on a bicycle at this very moment, scares the hell out of me. Not that I think I can’t ride it. I’m certain I can. I will wobble the first few hundred feet. May even crash. And once I get going, the fear of stopping safely will set in.
See where I’m going with this……………………
So here’s my daily struggles and how I plan to change Me.
- I always thought, with a heavy heart, how much I love him and and reasons why we would never work. I now look at him, force my heart and face to smile & then I quietly say how much I love him and leave the rest to God.
- I have taken the stesses of work home with us. Now, I am learning to leave work at work so we can enjoy one another.
- I have allowed my imagination to take over my thoughts, creating false ideas about things I don’t know. (ex. his thoughts, I know, a terrible unhealthy thing to do) Now, and this is the hardest stuggle of all, I vow to push aside all my curiousities of what is going on inside his head, what he is thinking when he is not speaking. When he wants to talk, he will and he does.
- I always assume every single beautiful lady will get his attention and I will lose him. Talk about unhealthy! Now when those thoughts come into my mind I reassure myself, He has chosen YOU. He wants YOU in his life. He knows all your imperfections and STILL he Chooses You.
- I silently beg for a label for our relationship. Now I just want to enjoy today. This moment with him, for as long as it last.
Tomorrow, I may crash my bicycle. Cry, of course, but I will get climb back on and ride again.
In the end, I’m not concerned with the future of US. I know if we have a forever future that it will be Blessed by God. I also know if it ends, we Both will still be Blessed by God. In the mean time, I don’t want to destroy or end what God is doing all because I have lost my Faith.